Suicide Girl: Beauty or Backlash?

Suicide girl is someone who breaks the norms of society, usually tattoos, piercings, the whole alternative look. Considered committing social suicide, hence the name suicide girls. These girls usually upload photos of themselves naked or half nude. It is a take on alternative beauty, trying to redefine what we see as socially acceptable. These girls do get wrongly stigmatized as prostitutes or sluts.

But is this not jealousy?

These girls that post semi-nude to naked photos seem powerful, confident and full of self esteem. To post a photo that can cause controversy, to test how society will accept or reject you. To fully expose yourself to such an audience that is on social media.

That’s courage.  You have to be strong minded to take the comments that follow, both positive and negative. Or is it not strong minded? Is it just being care free enough to not let it phase you, to not let it get under your skin. To simply ignore it, to carry on doing what makes you happy.

I would love to have the courage to feel that confident and carefree. I think what suicide girls stand for is a true role model for women, maybe not the nudity so much. But to love the body your in, to be different, to stand out. To embrace it. For many women it is difficult to love the skin you live in, to fully appreciate your own beauty.

I have been a victim of horrible comments about my appearance and I am ashamed to admit I have thrown some nasty comments out to individuals about their appearance. But this was when I was younger, a teen. Now, I would never ever think of doing such a thing. I realise now how damaging it can be to someone, just a few words can stick with someone for a very very long time. We as women should be sticking together to bring each other up, not tear each other down.

So for those trying something different, something controversial, maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to judge. But look at it at a deeper level, look at what it really stands for. These girls are having fun with their photos, it is their medium of expression, showing society who they really are without fear of what slanders may come their way.

Others may argue that these suicide girls are creating a bad image for women, supporting the notion that females are sexual objects. That the only way to truly express ourselves is to show off our bodies, that the only way to be noticed is to be naked, otherwise there’s nothing else to look at. Why can’t we just show our alternative personality or confidence in other ways? Is it that easy in this day and age? But surely by being treated as sexual objects, by not being able to express ourselves through any medium we choose, even if that is nudity, isn’t that a restriction, oppression?

We should be able to feel we have the power and ability to do what we like, to express ourselves, to show ourselves in any way we want. But yet we still feel that we cannot. It’s not our fault, it is societies fault for being so quick to judge and put those down who are trying to break the boundaries and expectations of women. We should be continuing to strive towards a more open, free, expressive society whereby those who choose to dress differently, present themselves differently should not be classed as committing social suicide but expanding our ideas of female power and confidence.

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CALLING ALL MALES.

The most destructive phrase out there in society for young males is ‘be a man’. Males are constantly told don’t be a pussy, don’t cry, grow some balls, don’t be  a girl. Drilling this into young males until they fell they have to reject all femininity  and hide emotions so much so that they cannot talk about being afraid or hurt, they can only talk about being angry or pissed off. When males do not feel secure in the masculinity so they feel they have to prove it. This could involve fighting, becoming a womanizer.

This is probably because of the assumptions we in society make about masculinity that we pass on and expect from males. Constant threat from other males if they are not ‘man enough’, survival of the fittest. To fight back. Be a provider. Teaching young generations that it is okay to be dominant, in charge, in control. To never back down from anything. Use violence to solve problems.

Aren’t we setting most males up for failure? To feel so much pressure from society to confirm to this unrealistic expectation. So what happens when they do not meet this expectation? Do they get tormented by their peers? their families?

As a society we should not shun, judge or put down those who show emotion, who need someone to talk to, who break the stereotypes of masculinity. We should raise them up, talk to them, be there for them. we should not ostracize men who choose to show emotion, not fight, not sleep around. There are very limited options for males in ways to act, to feel that they are themselves.

So it is no surprise that if males develop mental health issues they feel they cannot speak to anyone, reach out or find help. It’s seen as non-masculine to show weakness and emotion. I am not saying all males have this issue or struggle through their life. But most men do not feel comfortable with searching for help. So what happens if mental health is not treated?  Well…

Suicide is now the biggest killer of men under 50 in the UK, accounting for 1 in 4 deaths in men under the age of 35. there is still a significant gender gap in British suicide, with men more than three times as likely to kill themselves as women. Males currently  in treatment for drug and alcohol abuse is 3 times that of women.

The feature image ‘save the male’ is an advert by CALM (campaign against living miserably) to bring attention to male suicide. This image depicts a male gut that similar to the nature of the wale, its underlying message it quite disturbing. As a society we should not shun, judge or put down those who show emotion, who need someone to talk to, who break the stereotypes of masculinity. We should raise them up, talk to them, be there for them. We should not ostracize men who choose to show emotion, not fight, not sleep around.

Male mental health is not talked about enough. Male suicide rates are on the rise. Why are we still ignoring it? The statistics are there. If you know anyone male or female who is struggling, seems withdrawn or upset, reach out and talk to them. One of my passions is to one day set up a mental health charity for males in my community, have a open group session where males can come and talk about their stresses and emotions in a safe environment in hope that it can prevent suicide. In the meantime, check out CALM.

https://www.thecalmzone.net/

Its a charity that specifically sets out to tackle male mental health and suicide. If you need someone to talk to ring the Samaritans 116 123 (UK).

If you just kind of want to inform yourself, there is a brilliant documentary on Netflix called ‘The Mask You Live In’. It inspired me to write this post.

 

 

 

Creating Bad Images of Fathers.

So, Fathers day is coming up and I saw this image on Facebook. Someone had posted it suggesting they should be receiving one of theses from their children. Now all this says to me is that there is some hate and anger towards her children’s dad. fathers day

But to me I do not think this is right to portray fathers in this way to say they are useless and a twat. Do not get me wrong there are some pretty shitty dads out there who do not try or care for their offspring. But there are other males out there who are struggling and trying to see their children to earn enough money to provide. Children should be allowed to make their own decision about whether their parent is useless or not. Rather than being told that their parent is this or not or not good enough. Surely you’d think this hate and anger would cause dysfunctional relationships, being told that their male role model, their main male in their life is a twat.

Nice one.

When my parents divorced and my dad was off doing whatever and not really keeping in contact with me and my brother, my mum always told us ‘your dad loves you’ ‘your dads a lovely man’. Always spoke of him positively to us. Whereas my dad on the other hand liked to call my mother a witch. haha. Each to their own. I would never say my dad was useless, hes forgetful sometimes I think is the kinder way to put it. But he does try and when he tries he puts all his effort in. Even when he hasn’t been there for us when we needed him or providing us with money or anything, I would never call him useless.

There are people out there with no fathers, no mothers. How is it fair for us to produce so much anger towards a parental figure. when others would do unspeakable things to have their parents back, to see them one more time. I mean you even have fathers for justice that are fighting to see their children. It is not right for a parent to be so biased and to tell their kids shit like that. If you want to protect them from him there’s other more positive ways to do so.

Just stuff like this on social media rubs me up the wrong way. I know its just light hearted and a bit of banter, but I think it does reflect how people act in real life and how they truly behave and feel. That’s what scares me. Nothing I can do, just hope that this doesn’t effect a future generation and hope that they can have healthy relationships with their parents. So many psychological studies show that if you don’t form healthy relationships with your parents when growing up if effects your adult relationships. So maybe these mothers should think before forcing so much hate into their children against their fathers, whether that man is useless or not, that child shares genes from that man. It can turn to self loathing when people say ‘your just like your father’ yet they are told hes  a useless twat.

Confidence: Where can I find it??

I’ve been on a journey to find my confidence for a few years now. Around 5/6 years ago I used to be the most outgoing confident person you could come across, I never compared myself to anyone, I never doubted myself and I never ever thought I would lack self confidence like I do today. I was dragged down and thrown down until I felt I had no self worth and now I’m on a mission to drag myself back up and regain my energetic beautifully feminine confidence once again. 

I know for many young women self confidence is hard to come by. Social media has made it acceptable to post naked photos or skinny selfies etc and for others to comment on them without holding back! This makes it hard, for every 100 positive comments you get just 1 negative comment is all that you can focus on. 

That’s what brought me down, negative comments. I didn’t see it happening at first and before I knew it I was doubting myself… I was comparing myself to other girls… None of my clothes felt right on me anymore…

I lost weight. Lots of it. Thought that would make me feel happy. Sexy. Beautiful. Weighing myself constantly to make sure I was sticking to my goal. 

Well tbh, I felt tired, shitty and probably worse about myself. 

Doing this for years constantly basing my self confidence and worth on my weight, I’d pretty much had enough! So I tried counselling, maybe an unbiased opinion could help me see what I’m not. WELL THAT WAS A LOAD OF SHITE. 

Basically told me I had daddy issues of some sort and told me I am not the daughter my dad wants (I won’t bore you with the details) so I thought you know what BYEE. Walked out. Any father would be proud to have me. This gave me that strong independent women feeling, I told myself that she was wrong and that I am doing fine!!

Great right? Na this lasted a few days then I was straight back to lacking confidence. Few romantic relationships later, lots of arguments over food, exercise and weight. I met my current partner. 

Now I won’t be soppy or a hopeless romantic but this man taught me to love myself. He has comforted and supported me through all my aggressive episodes and my crying over outfits to wear. The most patient loving man I’ve ever met. 

I am now 9st and I couldn’t care less. Yes I do still compare myself to other women thinking daaaaam I wish I looked like that. But then I see the way my partner looks at me and that disappears. I’m not saying that bagging a decent guy will solve all your problems, but having someone who fully appreciates you, is constantly proud of you no matter what you do. Never puts you down only brings you up. Well that’s definitely a confidence booster in my books. 

I’m still learning and still on my journey to getting where I was 5/6 years ago. I hope one day I’ll get there but tbh after so long of feeling crappy and down about myself I’m very happy with where I am. I am still learning to be confident about the future and what will happen. It’s made me very impatient as I’m very scared of losing it all so I want it all to happen now just incase. But it’s all a work in progress.

It’s hard to see the good in yourself when you see so much negativity, and I still see negative things. Like I wish I was skinner, but then I really can’t be bothered to lose weight haha, I’m quiet contempt and happy! 

I hope one day that with my psychology degree I can one day help all those out there with confidence issues, weight issues, eating disorders whatever, to find their confidence to find theirselves. Eating disorders is the biggest psychopathological disroder. So please, next time your about to write a negative comment, make a negative observation about someone. Stop. Think.

That what I like the quote by jung, shit happens to everyone but you cannot let it define you. I mean you can obviously it shapes who you are today. It shaped your personality, but you cannot let it stop you from being happy, being who you deserve to be.