I’ve been on a journey to find my confidence for a few years now. Around 5/6 years ago I used to be the most outgoing confident person you could come across, I never compared myself to anyone, I never doubted myself and I never ever thought I would lack self confidence like I do today. I was dragged down and thrown down until I felt I had no self worth and now I’m on a mission to drag myself back up and regain my energetic beautifully feminine confidence once again.
I know for many young women self confidence is hard to come by. Social media has made it acceptable to post naked photos or skinny selfies etc and for others to comment on them without holding back! This makes it hard, for every 100 positive comments you get just 1 negative comment is all that you can focus on.
That’s what brought me down, negative comments. I didn’t see it happening at first and before I knew it I was doubting myself… I was comparing myself to other girls… None of my clothes felt right on me anymore…
I lost weight. Lots of it. Thought that would make me feel happy. Sexy. Beautiful. Weighing myself constantly to make sure I was sticking to my goal.
Well tbh, I felt tired, shitty and probably worse about myself.
Doing this for years constantly basing my self confidence and worth on my weight, I’d pretty much had enough! So I tried counselling, maybe an unbiased opinion could help me see what I’m not. WELL THAT WAS A LOAD OF SHITE.
Basically told me I had daddy issues of some sort and told me I am not the daughter my dad wants (I won’t bore you with the details) so I thought you know what BYEE. Walked out. Any father would be proud to have me. This gave me that strong independent women feeling, I told myself that she was wrong and that I am doing fine!!
Great right? Na this lasted a few days then I was straight back to lacking confidence. Few romantic relationships later, lots of arguments over food, exercise and weight. I met my current partner.
Now I won’t be soppy or a hopeless romantic but this man taught me to love myself. He has comforted and supported me through all my aggressive episodes and my crying over outfits to wear. The most patient loving man I’ve ever met.
I am now 9st and I couldn’t care less. Yes I do still compare myself to other women thinking daaaaam I wish I looked like that. But then I see the way my partner looks at me and that disappears. I’m not saying that bagging a decent guy will solve all your problems, but having someone who fully appreciates you, is constantly proud of you no matter what you do. Never puts you down only brings you up. Well that’s definitely a confidence booster in my books.
I’m still learning and still on my journey to getting where I was 5/6 years ago. I hope one day I’ll get there but tbh after so long of feeling crappy and down about myself I’m very happy with where I am. I am still learning to be confident about the future and what will happen. It’s made me very impatient as I’m very scared of losing it all so I want it all to happen now just incase. But it’s all a work in progress.
It’s hard to see the good in yourself when you see so much negativity, and I still see negative things. Like I wish I was skinner, but then I really can’t be bothered to lose weight haha, I’m quiet contempt and happy!
I hope one day that with my psychology degree I can one day help all those out there with confidence issues, weight issues, eating disorders whatever, to find their confidence to find theirselves. Eating disorders is the biggest psychopathological disroder. So please, next time your about to write a negative comment, make a negative observation about someone. Stop. Think.
That what I like the quote by jung, shit happens to everyone but you cannot let it define you. I mean you can obviously it shapes who you are today. It shaped your personality, but you cannot let it stop you from being happy, being who you deserve to be.
madfreckles 