Control

Finally, for the first time in my life I feel in control. I feel that I have shit organised, things are going my way. This may not seem a big deal to many, but for me this is huge. I have struggled with mental health issues in my life and low self-esteem and confidence, to the point I couldn’t think of a single positive thing in my life or about myself.

I am now in my masters degree, which is challenging but I am working hard and it is paying off. I have made a great deal of new friends who are supportive of me and instead of bringing me down are pushing me forward, out of my comfort zone and telling me it is okay to be myself.

I feel organised, I feel I have a plan. I know where I’ve been and I know where I am heading. Cliche, I know, but it fits. So to all those who ever doubted me, thought I wouldn’t be okay, thought I would struggle with mental health again, who thought I wouldn’t even complete my graduate degree.

FUCK YOU. 

The last time I was this happy and confident was probably when I was 16, don’t get me wrong I have the odd low self-esteem moment about my body shape, but then I have a cider and food and I forget about it. Because I know if it really bothered me I can change it as I am in CONTROL.  There are things in my life that are out of my control, and I am okay with that. Shit happens, brush it off and move on to bigger and better things.

I am done with being bitter, holding grudges, blaming others for the way I am and how I view myself. I am making myself better, independent and embracing life. I will not let anyone bring me down again, I have so much going for me, my future is full of potential and happiness and I am not about to let that slip through my fingers for anyone.

I feel myself and I couldn’t love myself anymore.  I don’t have a big ego, I am not arrogant, there is no shame in being confident in your own skin and actually appreciating who you are, your personality and your dress sense. People can bitch and say shit but I am above it. I am holding my head up high, the highest it has been for 7 years, now that is an accomplishment.

So big love to all those who have helped me get to this stage in my life and to those who weren’t I thank you, because without you I probably wouldn’t be feeling the way I do now.

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