The Friend That Everyone Turns To

Being the friend that everyone turns to is a huge responsibility, making sure you are available when they need you, listening carefully to the things they choose to share with you.

Sometimes you worry that you are not there enough for them, you worry if you are giving them the best advice, run over the things they’ve told you, working out possible solutions for them.

I have found in my experience that the best support is simply just to listen.

Most people just want you to validate their thoughts and feelings, to remind them that they are reacting normally, being rational. This actually can make a huge difference to someone. It can be hard to be the friend that everyone turns to. Sometimes you feel that you cannot share your own issues with someone because you are aware of what they are dealing with.

But honestly, I think they would appreciate you sharing it with them. This makes them feel that you appreciate and trust them. Knowing that you have the same faith in them as they do in you.

Sometimes supporting people can be stressful but it is also the most rewarding thing you can do. They see you as strong and caring, enough for them to turn to you. For you to be the first person they think of when they struggle. I’ll take that job hands down. To be able to support someone and allow them to vent, rant and go mad down the phone.

This is why I have set up a support website, for those people who just want to rant to someone, to feel that someone will listen to them, not to advise, because at the end of the day most people already have a solution in their mind, they just want to be told ‘its okay’, ‘that’s a normal reaction’.

That is the best support you can give, and to those who turn to people to lean on, you are not weak and you are definitely not a burden. When you chose to open up to someone, they feel special and honoured that you are sharing it with them and they are part of your struggle and solution.

Remember, if you are struggling or know anyone that is, or if you are struggling to support someone, below are some numbers you can ring. Also check out my website.

116 123  – Samaritans.

http://findingyourself.strikingly.com/ – my website.

Also, I discovered Reddit recently, where there are open forums where you can post about your struggles and the community on there is so helpful and willing to support you and just listen. Writing on different formats just to vent and be anonymous I would definitely recommend it. Just remember, you are never alone, even when it feels like you are, people are always there to support you and just be there for you. The strongest thing you can do, is share your struggles, it takes a lot of courage to  open up to people.

 

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A strangers smile

Sitting on the train on my way into Cardiff to meet some friends. Sat on my own, headphones in, my handbag casually placed on the empty seat next to me. Habit I guess, or maybe it is me subconsciously creating a barrier towards these strangers that surround me. Staring into their phones, talking to the person next to them. 

No one is social anymore, no one glances at you, no one smiles at you. 

I grew up in a little village, if you walk past someone you always say good morning/afternoon even if you’ve never seen them before.  I like that. It seems silly and a little strange but having a stranger smile and nod at you makes you feel acknowledged, no longer only visible through a phone screen. 

I enjoy smiling at strangers as I pass them, I have received mixed reactions, some confused, some return the nice gesture, others have stopped me and asked if they know me, nope sorry, I was only trying to be nice. 

I’ve read an article online from those who have attempted suicide and they said if one person had smiled at them or asked them how they were doing they would have considered against it. 

I think this is important. We as humans are so engaged in our phones that we don’t acknowledge those around us. When I walk I look up, never down. Looking up I get to take in the beautiful architecture of some buildings that most miss. 

So take some time from your phone, enjoy the world around you, embrace it, take in the beautiful scenery that surrounds you. Don’t forget to smile at a stranger… the simplest gestures can mean a huge imporantace to someone else. 

Happy Saturday everyone!! 

Help Wanted: Fitness

Last year I was going to the gym a lot, at least 3-4 times a week as well as eating clean. I felt very comfortable to wear crop tops as my stomach was flat, I felt quiet confident in  my own skin. But I went through a struggle with mental health and I lost all motivation and energy to work out. I tried to go back to the gym at the start of this year, but I soon gave up on that.

I gave up on the gym as I had lost muscle tone and gained weight, I feel unconfident and uncomfortable being within a gym where people were toned and sculpted and there I was wobbling all over the place on the treadmill, my bingo wings flapping as I ran. No thanks. I know that those in the gym probably would not have looked at me twice or even judged me. I felt they were, I felt so silly being in there. I used to spend like 15 minutes in the gym and then I would leave.

It is very hard work to towards losing weight and gaining muscle tone. It takes a lot of motivation and discipline, which at the moment I lack very much of. I want to, I have this image in my head of where I want my body to get to, but I am so unfit at the moment I just feel embarrassed being in the gym, not being able to stay on the treadmill for more than 7 minutes without dying, sweating and wanting to vomit. I feel embarrassed lifting some tiny weight up and struggling after 8 reps whilst these other girls and guys are lifting three times the weight with ease.

I just really don’t have the confidence to stride back into a gym, hopefully I can get stronger and fitter whilst at university doing my masters by working out at home until I feel comfortable to throw myself into the deep end once again. I know that many think this is a silly fear, I most people I have met through the gym are really nice people who only want to help. I suppose I am competitive and a bit of a sore loser, I want to achieve my goal and compete with people in the gym but at the same time I don’t want to put in the effort. If I can’t put in the effort I don’t really deserve the results.

I need motivation, I need confidence in my ability, I need help. If anyone has tips for motivation especially fitness wise I would love to hear it. Or if anyone would like to pair up, take before photos and set a deadline and see who can achieve the desired results? That would be quiet cool, different people, all across the world, different body shapes, cultures and diet. If anybody wants to jump on this idea then please please please drop me an email: madfreckles1@gmail.com or give me a follow on Instagram katyjanee__ and we can go from there. AMAZING. I think this would help us motivate one another and inspire others to find their confidence.

Ghostbusters – Girl Power!

I have recently watched the new Ghostbusters. Before the film came out, the film was greeted with a variety of negative reviews and sexist postulations about the film, all because it was an all female led cast.

I think this has broken many stigmas and I thought the actresses did a magnificent job! The women portray different personalities and different body shapes, not one of the lead female roles were extremely skinny or bare skin. Probably the first film I have watched where I women wasn’t showing off her cleavage or her figure.

I feel that this film encourages women to feel confident and strong. Yes, some of the characters are portrayed with stereotypical female behaviour, such as ‘oh women, they are always late’. But I also feels that it does this in a tasteless way that aims more towards comedy than sexism.

It shows four highly intelligent and motivated females. It is clear that the field of science and maths is largely a male dominated area and the government has been seen to encourage women towards this sector. I feel this films shows women can be intelligent as well as sexy, strong and fun. It breaks many stereotypes around women and career’s, yes I understand it is fictional, but it can have a strong influence on the younger generation.

This film, for me anyway, has pushed the barriers and shown that an all female led cast can create a successful film as well as sending a strong message to society. I would definitely recommend, it was witty and funny from start to finish.

Dreams are Stupid

I don’t think anyone has asked me ‘what is your dream?’

I’ve been asked what my dream job would be, what my dream house would look like but never what is your dream. I think the word ‘dream’ seems childlike and unbelievable, something that will not be achieved, forever a dream, unrealistic and hopeless.

I am asking myself today, what is my ambition, what drives me, my passion, my dream.

Everyone has their own dream, own idea of what they would like to do at some point in their lives. Would we openly admit it? Be openly honest about our dreams. They are very personal.

What happens if you share you dreams and you never achieve them, people look at you and know you didn’t reach your dream. Why risk that? Keep it to yourself and then no one can judge you.

Well I am going to be honest, and I will strive for this dream and do what I can to achieve it and make it a reality.

My dream is to open my own psychology clinic and specialise in young people, help them to build confidence and self-esteem. I want to specialise in male mental health and eating disorders.

I want to be able to provide free psychological care in supported living houses for young people. Help them to understand themselves.

These are specific dreams I have. But the overall view is, I want to make a difference, even if I can make a difference to one person or a thousand, I will have achieved something very special to me.

I would like to ask everyone who reads this to ask themselves what their dream is, what is important to them?

To help me achieve my dream, I ask you to do one thing. I would like you to just ask someone if they are okay or even just smile at a stranger. You have no idea the difference this can make to someones day.

Surviving Adulthood

Everyone has their own way of dealing with the responsibilities and pressures of adulthood. I have coffee and binge drinking. Others have erratic displays of immature behaviour (hate to admit it, but also me).

I think everyone needs that one little thing that reminds them they are still sane, still themselves, and still a fun child at heart. A way to escape from adulthood even if it is just for a second.

The journey through adulthood is hard, tough and unforgiving and most of the time we are going to get it wrong. When we do, we need these little treasures to fall back on, almost little comforts, to allow us to keep pushing forward, keep trying. The key is to love others, by treating others with kindness it can make us feel good, can even make a huge difference even if it feel small and insignificant.Sounds selfish right? But this can help us to learn to love ourselves.

There are a lot of pressures to experience, making sure you are budgeting, not drinking, looking for jobs, being mature, staying healthy, only making good decisions. Bit boring if you ask me, who would want to do all that?

You are allowed to break some rules, this doesn’t mean you are failing at being an adult, just taking some time to adjust!

Looking at your parents when we were younger, giving the impression they had their shit together, well i hate to break it to you but they lied. I don’t think I know of many adults who really truly think ‘I’ve got my shit together’, but hey there are so many adults in the world without their shit together, does it really matter?

Nope, I know I could be doing a much better job at being an adult, but I know one thing, if I am going to do this I am going to have fun whilst doing it. At the end of the day you cannot plan for all the unexpected things that can occur when you’re an adult, you have your shit together and then you get hit by a plane.

So if I am going to get fucked by life, I would rather have fun doing it whilst trying to get my shit together and try to make a difference to other peoples lives and make others smile.