Last year I was going to the gym a lot, at least 3-4 times a week as well as eating clean. I felt very comfortable to wear crop tops as my stomach was flat, I felt quiet confident in my own skin. But I went through a struggle with mental health and I lost all motivation and energy to work out. I tried to go back to the gym at the start of this year, but I soon gave up on that.
I gave up on the gym as I had lost muscle tone and gained weight, I feel unconfident and uncomfortable being within a gym where people were toned and sculpted and there I was wobbling all over the place on the treadmill, my bingo wings flapping as I ran. No thanks. I know that those in the gym probably would not have looked at me twice or even judged me. I felt they were, I felt so silly being in there. I used to spend like 15 minutes in the gym and then I would leave.
It is very hard work to towards losing weight and gaining muscle tone. It takes a lot of motivation and discipline, which at the moment I lack very much of. I want to, I have this image in my head of where I want my body to get to, but I am so unfit at the moment I just feel embarrassed being in the gym, not being able to stay on the treadmill for more than 7 minutes without dying, sweating and wanting to vomit. I feel embarrassed lifting some tiny weight up and struggling after 8 reps whilst these other girls and guys are lifting three times the weight with ease.
I just really don’t have the confidence to stride back into a gym, hopefully I can get stronger and fitter whilst at university doing my masters by working out at home until I feel comfortable to throw myself into the deep end once again. I know that many think this is a silly fear, I most people I have met through the gym are really nice people who only want to help. I suppose I am competitive and a bit of a sore loser, I want to achieve my goal and compete with people in the gym but at the same time I don’t want to put in the effort. If I can’t put in the effort I don’t really deserve the results.
I need motivation, I need confidence in my ability, I need help. If anyone has tips for motivation especially fitness wise I would love to hear it. Or if anyone would like to pair up, take before photos and set a deadline and see who can achieve the desired results? That would be quiet cool, different people, all across the world, different body shapes, cultures and diet. If anybody wants to jump on this idea then please please please drop me an email: firstname.lastname@example.org or give me a follow on Instagram katyjanee__ and we can go from there. AMAZING. I think this would help us motivate one another and inspire others to find their confidence.